Viewing the body of a loved one after death, being involved with the washing and dressing and laying out of the body, and spending time with the body in the home can bring healing, resolution and peace to the grieving family and friends. I have often observed this in five years of work with families who choose to have a “home funeral.”
Beth cared for her mother in hospice at home. After accompanying the body to the crematory on the third day, she remarked, “That was difficult, but I’m relieved. We did not just dip our toe in, we waded right through, and I feel good about it.” Jerrigrace, a seasoned “death midwife,” based on personal experience and observance of over 500 families, says
“We need all of our senses to help us integrate that a death has occurred. This is what I have learned and what I teach others. We learn of death with all the things we are taking in - our touch, the smell, the sight and our sixth sense. It’s visceral; it’s on a cellular level. All of my emotions were present during that period of washing [my friend] Carolyn’s body. There was anger too; anger that we had no time to say good-bye; sorrow that we couldn’t talk.”
June, whose mother had a home funeral for her grandfather, expressed her trepidation upon hearing of her mother’s plans and her subsequent realization after the three-day vigil that the home funeral was very helpful to her and seemed “just right.”
A great many self-help books, articles and websites have recently emerged that proclaim the benefits of caring for our own dead and teach families how to do so by creating new rituals. However, very little scholarly research has been done on the subject of the modern “home funeral” (a problematic moniker). There is little awareness that having a home funeral is possible or even legal and there is essentially no knowledge on the part of “deathworkers” on how to do it. In addition, our culture, as reflected in our funeral rituals, views the dead body as putrid and dangerous and something that must be removed from sight and handled by professionals soon after death to avoid damage to our psyche.
We need to change this! Research is needed. I plan to do this as I pursue my Master’s degree in hospice and palliative care. Funding and sponsorship for scholarly research to advance the natural death care movement is needed to change the way we do death.