For those of you who came to the Advance Directives Party, here’s the suggestions that I promised to post.

I suggest you write into your AD a “Statement of Confidence” such as this one from Lifecare Directives, LLC:

“I want my patient Advocate and loved ones to know that: I do not expect you to always know exactly what to do. I have tried to give meaningful directions to you here. However, there may be times when you must rely solely upon your best judgment. I love you and I trust you, or I would not have invited you to help at such a difficult time. All I ask is that you do your very best in making sure that my life and personal wishes are honored. Afterwards, put away any guilt. No matter what the outcome, I know you love me and will have honestly tried. This is all I ask, and all you need offer.”

I also suggest that you write an accompanying letter to your Advance Directives in narrative form that explains your values and views in your own words. This can only help your loved ones to understand more about where you are coming from so that they can make decisions for you. Studies have shown that the conversations you have and the personal words you express are more helpful than the AD itself.

On that note, The Conversation Project is an excellent resource for how to talk to your family.

The Consumer Tool Kit for Health Care Advance Planning from the Commission on Law and Aging has excellent tools to help plan.

Using the phrase “allow natural death“ shifts the burden from family members at the end of life. A DNR, or “do not resuscitate” order is a legal document but has more harsh overtones.

The popular “Five Wishes” document, one form of Advance Directives, does not differentiate between organ and tissue donation, which is something you may want to look into, as they are very different. The wording in the “Relief from Pain” section on page 6 does not include instructions that it’s ok to give pain medication even if it will hasten death. This is something you may want to include, as it is often cited as a sticking point for family members. This document would be stronger if you actually circled and initialed all the things that you DO want, rather than just crossing out the things you DON’T want.

Thanks for coming, and many thanks to Pat Lyndale, John Erdevig, Diana Cramer and the Center for the Childbearing Year!